The Role of Relationships in Men's Mental Health

It has been seven weeks since I started an independent study to write my next book. I’ve been holding onto a mantra throughout this process: “Building the plane while we fly.” This process started as a seed of a book. No title, no outline, just a desire to speak into the area of men’s mental health, suicide prevention, and grief support. Before I dive into week seven, I want to give you an update on the vision for this book. The book will be about preventing suicide in young men. It will have three parts: the facts, the signs, and the way forward. I still do not have a title, but I am happy with the progress I am making.

Now, onto week seven: The Role of Relationships in Men’s Mental Health

It was a late Friday afternoon in August when my friend Zach (name has been replaced for privacy) called me out of the blue. His voice was a little shaky, an unusual tremor for someone who always seemed composed. I knew something was off. "Man, I don't know who else to call," he confessed. His words tumbled out as if they’d been building for weeks. Zach, a former college athlete and now a rising professional, had always been the guy who handled things alone. That day, the weight of isolation had finally broken him. He wasn’t reaching out for advice or even solutions—he was reaching out because he just needed someone to listen. This moment was a stark reminder of how much we all need people in our corner, even when we don’t realize it.

For young men, strong support networks are more than just a safety net—they are lifelines. We often think of "support" in terms of family or therapy, but support comes in many forms. It’s the friends you call late at night, the mentors who guide you through life’s messes, and the communities that rally around you when the world feels like it’s falling apart. In the fight against suicide, especially among men, building and maintaining these networks isn’t just important—it’s crucial.

Isolation is a silent killer. In a world where we’re more "connected" than ever through social media and technology, genuine connection feels rare. Men, in particular, are socialized to handle things independently. Phrases like “man up” and “tough it out” become internalized, leading many young men to believe that asking for help is a sign of weakness. This social conditioning creates a dangerous cycle of loneliness, as men become more likely to withdraw, especially during periods of stress.

Zach’s story is not unique. So many men suffer in silence because they believe their struggles are theirs to carry alone. The problem is that isolation amplifies mental health issues. Studies show that men who lack strong social ties are at a significantly higher risk for depression, anxiety, and suicide. Social isolation, combined with the stigma around mental health, creates a perfect storm.

In a small rural town like mine, where everyone knows everyone, it was easy to assume that no one could ever feel isolated. Yet, the truth is more complex. After my brother Austin’s death, we discovered that despite his close-knit group of friends and family, he had felt profoundly alone. This is the paradox of modern male friendship. Even when men have friends, those relationships often lack the depth needed to support emotional health.

The Story of David and Tom: The Unlikely Bond

David and Tom were two men who couldn’t have been more different. David, a successful entrepreneur in his early forties, exuded confidence, while Tom, ten years younger, was an introverted mechanic who preferred quiet nights alone to social gatherings. Their lives intersected by chance at a men’s mental health group. At first, they didn’t talk much. Both of them were reluctant to be there at all. Yet, over time, as they listened to one another, they began to see the power of simply having someone else to relate to. Tom wasn’t the type to open up easily, but David’s vulnerability in sharing his struggles with work-related stress and a failing marriage gave Tom the courage to share his battles with loneliness and grief.

What began as a reluctant partnership grew into a life-saving friendship. Tom once shared with me that without David’s constant check-ins and encouragement, he wouldn’t have survived a particularly rough year when he lost both his mother and his job. He didn’t need solutions from David; he just needed to know someone cared. For David, the friendship with Tom helped him feel less alone during his divorce. Their relationship wasn’t built on fixing each other’s problems but on the simple, yet profound, act of showing up.

This bond illustrates a critical point: meaningful connections aren’t just about having people to hang out with; they’re about having people who understand and accept you. As men, it’s easy to fall into surface-level friendships that revolve around shared activities like sports or work. While these relationships can be enjoyable, they often fail to provide the emotional support needed during tough times.

Why Men Struggle to Build Deep Connections

Society’s expectations of masculinity play a significant role in why men often lack deeper friendships. From a young age, boys are taught that vulnerability is not "manly." Opening up about feelings or struggles is often met with discomfort or dismissal, both from peers and from society at large. This leaves many men ill-equipped to build friendships that allow for emotional intimacy.

In contrast, women are socialized to express their emotions and form strong support networks from an early age. Men, on the other hand, are often pushed toward competition rather than collaboration, which can hinder the formation of close, supportive friendships. Research shows that as men age, their social circles shrink, which can exacerbate feelings of loneliness and isolation, especially during life transitions such as job changes, breakups, or the loss of a loved one.

The Role of Vulnerability in Building Support Networks

The key to building strong support networks is vulnerability. This is where many men stumble. Vulnerability, after all, goes against the grain of traditional masculinity. It feels risky, uncomfortable, and even embarrassing. But the reality is, without vulnerability, there is no true connection. Opening up about struggles, fears, and emotions is how we build trust with others, and trust is the foundation of any meaningful relationship.

One of the most impactful things I’ve learned in my journey with grief and mental health advocacy is that vulnerability is not just an act of bravery—it’s an act of survival. After my brother passed, I was hesitant to talk about the depth of my pain. It felt too raw, too personal. Yet, when I finally started sharing my story with friends, family, and even strangers, I discovered that vulnerability creates space for healing. It’s like a signal flare in the darkness—letting others know they’re not alone and inviting them to join you in the fight.

How to Build and Strengthen Your Support Network

So, how do we build the kind of support network that can save lives? The first step is acknowledging that it takes intentional effort. Here are some strategies that both men and their loved ones can use to create and nurture meaningful connections:

1. Start Small, Start Real

When it comes to opening up, you don’t have to dive into the deep end immediately. Start small. Share something real about your day, your stressors, or your feelings. It could be as simple as saying, “Work has been tough lately,” or “I’ve been feeling down for a while.” These small acts of vulnerability can lead to deeper conversations over time.

2. Prioritize Regular Check-Ins

A strong support network doesn’t happen by accident. It requires regular investment. Set aside time to check in on the people in your life, even when everything seems fine. Ask them how they’re doing, and don’t be afraid to follow up if they brush off the question. Sometimes, the act of asking is what permits them to open up.

3. Get Comfortable with Uncomfortable Conversations

Difficult conversations are inevitable, but they don’t have to be avoided. Whether it’s asking a friend if they’re okay, or admitting that you’re struggling, learning to navigate discomfort is key to deepening relationships. It’s important to approach these conversations with empathy and without judgment.

4. Build Communities, Not Just Friendships

Support networks don’t have to be limited to one-on-one friendships. Joining or creating communities where men can share their struggles can be incredibly powerful. Whether it’s a mental health group, a men’s Bible study, or even a hiking club, these spaces create opportunities for men to connect in ways they might not in everyday life.

5. Seek Help Early

If you notice that a friend is withdrawing or behaving out of character, don’t wait to reach out. Often, men struggling with depression or suicidal thoughts may not ask for help directly, but subtle signs like pulling away from social activities or becoming more irritable can be red flags. Offering a listening ear before things escalate can make all the difference.

The Role of Loved Ones in Building Support

While men must take the initiative to build and maintain their support networks, loved ones play a critical role too. Partners, parents, and friends can create environments where men feel safe to open up. This means not only encouraging vulnerability but also modeling it. When loved ones share their struggles and emotions, they signal that it’s okay to do the same. Support from family and friends can act as a buffer against the stressors that contribute to mental health crises.

In a world that often celebrates self-reliance, it’s easy to forget how much we need one another. But the connection is at the heart of what it means to be human, and for men facing the weight of mental health challenges, it can be the difference between life and death. Building a strong support network isn’t just about preventing suicide—it’s about fostering a life that’s rich with relationships, empathy, and understanding.

The next time you’re faced with a choice between staying silent or reaching out, remember Zach’s call. It wasn’t a solution he needed—it was a connection. When we take that first step toward vulnerability, we open the door to the kind of support that can carry us through our darkest moments. In the end, it’s the people who stand with us in those moments that give us the strength to keep going.