In Honor of David Medley

Mamas don’t let your babies grow up to be cowboys 

“They’ll never stay home, and they’re always alone, even with someone they love”

I listened to this song and others on the same Willie Nelson album for eight hours while driving home from Arkansas with my brother after visiting where my biological grandfather lived and died. 

I never met him, but my mom told me stories of his wild and sometimes reckless adventures. 

David Medley was a cowboy. 

He listened to Willie Nelson, hunted the food that he ate, and traveled the country. 

He was free. 

David also struggled with alcoholism, was estranged from his family for over 20 years, and only had 5 contacts in his phone when he died. 

He was free to be alone. 

Mamas let your boys be country. 

“Let ‘em go out with the boys, make some back road noise… and be someone they’re damn proud to be.” 

In the US, the John Wayne lifestyle of sleeping under the stars alone and refusing help from anyone has mutated into an epidemic of isolation and loneliness. 

It has created a generation of boys who lack friends, social skills, and manners. 

Let’s set the record straight. 

It’s not cool to be alone. 

It’s not cool to turn to a bottle to distract yourself from life. 

It is cool to have friends, to make mistakes, to learn from them, and to create values to live by. 

I should’ve been a cowboy 

“With a dream in my eye, and a prayer in my heart” 

I’m not saying don’t be a cowboy. 

My lullaby was “I Should’ve Been a Cowboy” by Toby Keith.

I was raised by cowboys. There are many strengths in what a cowboy represents. 

Independence, providence, protection. 

There are also weaknesses. 

Our isolated society has glorified individualism and drained our sense of community. 

I dream of the day when men see vulnerability as a strength, and I pray for the men who suffer in silence. 

Whether you agree with Willie Nelson, Jason Aldean, or Tony Keith, the point is we only get one life. 

I’ve seen the end of David’s life - the life of a grandfather who isolated himself. 

I’ve grieved the loss of Austin’s life - the life of my brother who felt alone. 

I see the struggle boys and men endure. 

Friendship, community, and love is the answer - and it’s free. 

The destination is clear, but the journey is not easy. 

So saddle up your horse and ride along with me as I continue to build community around men’s mental health. 

I see you,

Ethan