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A Funky Feeling
Do you ever find yourself in a funk?
Not feeling like yourself, feeling off, but not sure where it is coming from.
For me, that feeling is most intense after a major change in my life. I have moved bedrooms, dorm rooms, and apartments 15 times in my life. After each move, I feel the same funk.
Most recently, I moved home last week. My lease in Ann Arbor ended, and with only one semester left of my Masters program, I decided to save money by moving home and commuting into school. I liked the idea because it not only saves money, but it gives more time to spend with my mom before I move out for good.
However, a downside I have been experiencing recently is the same funk that I feel every time I move.
This funk has made me reflect. Why do I get in this funk? What causes it? And, how do I get through it?
The Third Space
The answer to my funky feeling came to me when I was listening to a sound bite of a podcast I was recently on.
Matt Findora and I talked about men’s mental health, the silent suffering men go through, and the idea of the third space.
You can listen to the entire podcast here:
If your home is your first space, and your work/school is your second space, then the third space is anywhere else you spend time outside of the first and second. In his book “The Great Good Place” (1989), Ray Oldenburg argues that third places are important for civil society, democracy, civic engagement and establishing feelings of a sense of place.
I would argue that your Third Space is not only important for society and democracy, but also important for your mental health.
Destruction of The Third Space
The Covid pandemic impacted everyone. Some people lost loved ones, others lost jobs, all of us were confined to our homes.
We made the most with what we had. We watched Tiger King, became TikTok stars, and started working from home.
The introverts loved it, the extroverts hated it, but there was one thing we didn’t see.
The pandemic created a destruction of Third Spaces.
We saw it on the news. Restaurants went bankrupt; gyms closed down.
We went from three spaces to one space.
All of a sudden I was running on the treadmill in the basement, working from home in the office on the first floor, and playing video games with my friends before going to bed in my room upstairs.
We know the mental health toll the pandemic had on us. I’m not here to rehash that. What I’m here to talk about is the reconstruction of the Third Space.
Finding Your Third Space
In the 15 moves within my lifetime, what protected my mental health was having a third space. Three physical locations independent of each other that provided for me in different ways.
Home - School - Gym
School - Gym - Church
Home - Work - Gym
Home - Work - Church
These are just a few examples of the three spaces in my life.
The funk that I am in today is from a lack of three spaces. I moved home, I joined classes virtually, and I work from home. Home, work, and school are one space for me.
I know that the solution to the funk that I’m in will come from finding a Third Space.
A church community to plug into.
A gym to work out at.
A coffee shop to read in.
Men’s Mental Health - A Call to Action
Men are silently suffering through a variety of mental health issues.
The biggest sources of pain are isolation and loneliness.
We get stuck in the cycle of home responsibilities and work responsibilities.
My challenge to you is to find your Third Space.
The concept of the Third Space is powerful. Having a place outside of home and work/school where you can relax, socialize, and engage in activities you enjoy can greatly benefit your mental health. Here are a few suggestions to help you find and establish your Third Space:
Explore Local Communities: Look for local clubs, groups, or organizations that align with your interests. Whether it’s a book club, a sports team, or a hobby group, joining a community can provide a sense of belonging and a break from your routine.
Visit New Places: Try out different coffee shops, parks, or libraries in your area. Spending time in new environments can help you discover a place where you feel comfortable and relaxed.
Engage in Physical Activities: Joining a gym, yoga class, or sports league can be a great way to meet new people and stay active. Physical activity is also known to boost mood and reduce stress.
Volunteer: Volunteering for a cause you care about can provide a sense of purpose and connection. It can also introduce you to like-minded individuals and create a positive impact on your community.
Create a Routine: Establishing a regular schedule for visiting your Third Space can help make it a consistent part of your life. Whether it’s a weekly coffee shop visit or a daily walk in the park, having a routine can provide stability and comfort.
Remember, it’s okay to take your time to find the right Third Space for you. It’s all about finding a place where you can unwind, connect with others, and feel like yourself. If you ever need to talk or share your experiences, I’m here to listen.
Reply to this email and tell me where your Third Space is.
If you learned something here today, forward this email to a friend.
I see you,
Ethan
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